Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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