im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize