my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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