Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
