is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize