Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
