I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
