So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
