I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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