I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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