i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
