put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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