The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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