Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
