Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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