My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize