so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
