i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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