and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
