Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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