i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
