Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
