if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
