using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
