I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
