pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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