I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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