If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
