Already got asked if we're dating
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
