the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
