So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
