she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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