Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize