You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
