So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
