pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize