Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
