Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
