remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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