areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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