I have demons in me.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
