my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
