3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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