4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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