when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
