i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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