Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
