come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
