That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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