we have pet lesbian snakes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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