Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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