we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
