ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
