After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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