I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
