At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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