If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
