You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
