bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize