Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
one two three fourrrrnication!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
