Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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