My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
