Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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