What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
