I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
