i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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