We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize