i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
