We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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