now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
