I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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