and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I supernannyed him into submission
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
