How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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