I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
