My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
