yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
