I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize