fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
