every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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