On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ok first of all what the fuck
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
