So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
