That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
