??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
