When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
