Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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