like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What a dumb baby whore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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