I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
