There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
