Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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