Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
