This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
birth control should be required to get into college
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
