Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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