the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize