He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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