dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
did i just pee glitter
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize