i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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