I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
