Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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