my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
